• Cara Peckham

Could I Be Living With A Narcissist?

Updated: Feb 11, 2021

A narcissist is a very complex character. Narcissism, believe it or not, is a recognized personality disorder. A relationship with a narcissist can seem like a serious roller coaster ride-it may be abusive verbally, emotionally, and unfortunately sometimes even physically. When you are with a narcissist, you are being traumatized daily, and don't often even realize it.

Ending a relationship with a narcissist can be sheer hell. It is scary, humiliating, and extremely turbulent. However, on the other side of that breakup you can, if you really want it bad enough, find ways to maintain composure, stay strong, leave, not look back, and finally be living a much happier, more relaxed life that is no longer toxic.

I have extensive experience with narcissists and have learned over the years how to navigate the turbulent waters. It is extremely important to have a great support system, a great coach and therapist, and to seek legal advice in the early stages of a divorce with a narcissist. A narcissist will not let you go easily nor will they be fair in the split. Not because they love you unconditionally, in fact, it is quite the opposite. It is because they have a very strong desire to control you. They use a psychological form of abuse called gaslighting, where they distort information, selectively omit information in order to favor themselves or to cause the victim to doubt their memory, their perception, and even their own mental health.

What is a narcissist like? A good way to describe a narcissist is, he or she is a charmer with what seems like a dual personality. One minute they are sweet, extremely complementary, showering their lover with excessive affection and attention in order to gain control or to influence their partner's behavior. This is called "Love Bombing." it is manipulation at its best. Then, just like that, they can switch it off and begin cutting their partner down, criticizing, shaming, and belittling.

Narcissists are extremely afraid of being alone therefore before they end things with one partner, they will have another victim waiting in the wings. Narcissistic people also have a very bad habit of constantly trying to get their ex's to come back to them. They will cry, guilt-trip, blame, entrap, threaten, make false accusations, and generous promises for an amazing future. Many people do get sucked back into this narcissistic relationship because they just don't realize they are being manipulated by a master manipulator.

What are the signs of a narcissist?

*Pathological liar

*Is a bully-verbally, emotionally + Physically

*Work comes first. They can't prioritize their partner and family

*Exaggerates achievements and social standing in society

*Entitled-expects to be seen as superior and will not associate with those they do not feel are equally superior.

*Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance

*Indulges in extramarital affairs

*Professes to be an amazing lover, when in reality he/she doesn't really enjoy sex

*Lacks empathy

*Never says sorry or thank you

*Must have the best of everything

*Often reacts with rage or contempt

*Irregular emotions and behavior

How a narcissist can make you feel

*Lowered self-confidence

*Devoting your life to making sure their needs are met before your own

*Wondering if you are being cheated on all of the time

*Not enjoying sexual relations because your narcissistic partner is not connecting with you.

*Avoiding or stopping contact with friends and family because your narcissistic partner does not approve of them.

*Walking on eggshells, always being careful what you say and do for fear your partner will become enraged.

*Constantly apologizing

*Never shown empathy or compassion when ill or feeling down.

Truly recognizing that you are with a narcissist is the first step in the process of healing. It takes time to come to grips with the fact that you've been gaslit and manipulated. Having a coach to guide you through this healing process can help you recognize these signs and begin to develop strategies to gain the confidence and the courage to leave this toxic relationship and never look back. Schedule a complimentary call.